Late night ramblings...

I can not get to sleep tonight for the life of me. Actually, I have my alarm set to wake me up one hour from now. Well, I am at an interesting place in my life. I have two weeks left at my current job (that I have had for four years). There is nothing wrong with my job, the people I work for are very nice and compliment me all the time on the great job I do and the pay is not bad. But, there is no creativity or excitement and each day feels like the day before. Nobody seems particularly excited to be there. That is not what I want for my life anymore. So, I am stepping out into the unknown. I do have my yoga certification training in Mexico in two weeks. I want to do this training because being a yoga teacher would not require me to sit at a desk all day, I think yoga is incredibly healthy in so many aspects, the older women I know that do yoga are completely gorgoeous and have a beautiful natural glow and other reasons that I can't think of right now.
For those who don't know my mother died when I was fifteen of breast cancer after a seven year battle against it. This is really the reason I am into raw foods and being healthy. Anyways, I feel that after she died I closed up inside. I lost my passion, and excitement for life. I became a person that just existed and didn't really live. I feel like I have been asleep for so many years and now I am just trying to wake myself up. I want to feel passionate and excited about my life and look forward to each day with wide eyed optimism. I am secretly hoping that as yoga opens my physical body up it will also open my up in every other way. Release stored unhealthy emotions in my connective tissues and open me up to the life of wonder that surrounds me. After my yoga training I am most likely going to go back to hawaii for around six months because I feel the place I lived in particularly is a really great place to open yourself up. There is so much community and support and openness and creativity. I also would possibly like to work at a raw food restaurant. It would be a lot easier to be raw if you worked at one I woud think and were around others with the same passion. To another point I am not 100% raw and I would like to be. I have never made my goal of eating raw for one month. I have gone two weeks before. Sometimes I wonder if going 100% raw would really make a big difference in my life. Anyway, I am doing different things right now to open myself up. I have been taking acting classes, singing lessons and yoga classes. I have been taking acting classes because I tend to be a little bit shy and I feel that it helps to get me out of my shell and helps me to connect with people better and it is just plain fun. A deep seated dream I have is to go back to school and study musical theatre and learn how to sing. I think I would have the time of my life doing it. Meanwhile, I don't know exactly what I want to do with my life or what kind of job I want to do. But I want to start listenning more with my heart rather than my head and follow my intuition on what my next move should be. I want to live a life of adventure, challenge, deep and meaningful relationships, health, simplicity, creativity and lots of love. I know my mom would want all of these things for me as well. Okay, that is all for now. Hopefully I can get at least a half hour of sleep in before I have to wake up.